Black Lagoon Adventures #2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series) Read online

  TALENT SHOW

  BLAck LAgOON

  the

  from the

  Get more monster-sized laughs from

  The Black Lagoon

  #1: The Class Trip from the Black Lagoon

  #2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon

  #3: The Class Election from the Black Lagoon

  #4: The Science Fair from the Black Lagoon

  #5: The Halloween Party from the Black Lagoon

  #6: The Field Day from the Black Lagoon

  #7: The School Carnival from the Black Lagoon

  #8: Valentine’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #9: The Christmas Party from the Black Lagoon

  #10: The Little League Team from the Black Lagoon

  #11: The Snow Day from the Black Lagoon

  #12: April Fools’ Day from the Black Lagoon

  #13: Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon

  #14: The New Year’s Eve Sleepover from the Black Lagoon

  #15: The Spring Dance from the Black Lagoon

  #16: The Thanksgiving Day from the Black Lagoon

  #17: The Summer Vacation from the Black Lagoon

  #18: The Author Visit from the Black Lagoon

  #19: St. Patrick’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #20: The School Play from the Black Lagoon

  #21: The 100

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  Day of School from the Black Lagoon

  #22: The Class Picture Day from the Black Lagoon

  #23: Earth Day from the Black Lagoon

  #24: The Summer Camp from the Black Lagoon

  #25: Friday the 13

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  from the Black Lagoon

  To Alan Boyko,

  My FAIR-haired friend

  —M.T.

  To Mom, who always reminded her young son

  that his talent was a gift from God.

  —J.L.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright

  Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,

  downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into

  any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,

  whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without

  the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding

  permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557

  Broadway, New York, NY 10012.

  e-ISBN: 978-0-545-68915-1

  Text copyright © 2003 by Mike Thaler.

  Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.

  All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

  SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered

  trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

  First printing, January 2003

  Contents

  Chapter 1: The Show Must Go On . . . . . 7

  Chapter 2: Show Buzz . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

  Chapter 3: Star Bright . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

  Chapter 4: Mother Knows Best . . . . . . 23

  Chapter 5: Treble Trouble . . . . . . . . . . 26

  Chapter 6: Key Bored . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

  Chapter 7: Show Biz Gossip . . . . . . . . . . 34

  Chapter 8: Stage Struck Out . . . . . . . . . 39

  Chapter 9: It’s Curtains . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

  Chapter 10: A Star Is Born . . . . . . . . . . 54

  Chapter 1

  The show must go on

  We’re having a talent show. I’ve

  heard all about them. Ten hours

  of endless embarrassment and

  nonstop nausea. And that’s just

  for the audience.

  7

  But it’s a lot worse for the

  performers! Some people never

  recover their shattered egos.

  8

  But Mrs. Green says every one

  of us has to do something. She

  says we must be onstage for at

  least a minute, and not longer

  than an hour. I really want to be

  on the stage . . . yeah, the first

  stage out of town.

  9

  Chapter 2

  Show Buzz

  On our way home, I ask my pals

  what they’re going to do. Eric

  says that he’s going to tell jokes.

  He’ll be some sort of a stand-up

  comic-kazi. I’m sure we’ve heard

  all his jokes already.

  10

  11

  Freddy says he’s going to recite

  his recipe for apple turnovers.

  Derek is going to spin a hula

  hoop. Randy will perform his

  most mystifying magic trick.

  He’s going to pull his head out

  of a hat!

  Penny is excited to lip-sync

  Beethoven’s 9

  th

  Symphony!

  And Doris, who takes ballet

  lessons, says she’s going to

  dance the dying swan from Swine

  Luck—or something like that.

  12

  13

  Everyone asks me what I’m going

  to do. I just stare out the foggy

  window and mumble, “You’ll

  see.”

  14

  Chapter 3

  Star bright

  What am I going to do?

  15

  My major talents are very

  specialized. I’m a great burper. I

  can burp “Yankee Doodle” after

  drinking a soda.

  16

  I can wiggle my ears and cross

  my eyes at the same time. I can

  touch the tip of my nose with the

  end of my tongue. But Freddy

  can pick his nose!

  17

  I can squirt milk out of my nose.

  I did at Thanksgiving, but no one

  applauded.

  18

  I can make my armpits quack

  like a duck.

  I can stand upside down if

  someone holds my feet. Or I can

  stand right side up if there’s a

  floor.

  19

  20

  I can tie my body in a knot. But

  it takes an hour to get it untied!

  I can make a pigzilla monster

  face! Or do my Count Dracula

  imitation!

  21

  I can blow in a bottle and sound

  like a foghorn.

  I just don’t know what to do .... I

  have so many talents.

  22

  23

  Chapter 4

  mother knows best

  I share my problem with my mom.

  BIG MISTAKE! She decides to

  help me.

  She suggests that I do a nice

  little dance. NEVER! Then she

  says I have a sweet singing voice.

  FORGET IT! Next, she tells me

  that I have a nice smile. Couldn’t

  I just smile for a minute? I DON’T

  THINK SO!

  24

  Now she really puts on her

  thinking cap. I’m in big trouble!

  “I know,” she says. “You can
r />   learn how to play the piano.”

  And before I can throw up or

  even yell, she’s already calling

  Mrs. Fumble, the piano teacher.

  Oh, great, now I have to take

  piano lessons!

  25

  Chapter 5

  Treble Trouble

  The first lesson is a complete

  disaster. I have two left hands

  and they’re all thumbs. I finally

  find the middle C and hit it with

  my elbow.

  26

  Mrs. Fumble wears tons of

  perfume. She smells like a flower

  show. I will smell like a wedding

  for a week.

  27

  She’s as big as a wrestler and

  always sits on the little piano

  bench with me. I can hardly see

  around her. And my side of the

  bench keeps lifting up in the air.

  She asks me why I want to play

  the piano. I say, “I don’t. I’d rath-

  er be playing baseball.”

  28

  29

  My mom says that one day I will

  be the hit of the party when I sit

  down to play. I don’t want to be

  the hit of the party. I just want to

  get through one minute onstage.

  30

  Chapter 6

  key bored

  Instead of playing baseball,

  building race-car models, or

  going swimming and becoming

  a swordfish . . . here I am still

  practicing. This is hard.

  31

  I have to play the same thing

  over and over for a whole hour.

  And what makes things worse—

  I have to listen to it.

  32

  The only good thing about

  playing the piano is that you

  can do it sitting down. After

  four weeks, five lessons, and

  thousands of hours of practicing,

  I can now play “Chopsticks.” The

  good news is it takes just about a

  minute to play.

  33

  Chapter 7

  Show Biz Gossip

  I call all the other kids to hear

  how they’re doing. Eric tells me

  all his jokes. I’ve heard them

  before. And they’re about as

  funny as a math test.

  34

  Freddy shares his recipe for

  apple turnovers. It sounds like

  the only thing it will turn over is

  your stomach.

  35

  Derek says he’s a little bit dizzy

  from all the hula-hooping. Randy

  the Magnificent tells me that

  great magicians never give away

  their tricks.

  36

  Penny says her lips are in a cast.

  She sprained them practicing.

  And Doris asks me if I have any

  feathers for her costume.

  37

  This is going to be quite a show.

  I can see it now . . .

  38

  Chapter 8

  stage struck out

  The auditorium lights dim. The

  spotlight falls on Eric. But it

  doesn’t hurt him. He gets up

  and tells his first joke. No

  one laughs. He tries a second

  joke. Again, no one laughs.

  Here comes his third joke. It’s

  about the principal. Everyone

  laughs and he gets sent to the

  principal’s office.

  39

  Then a hush falls over the

  audience. Freddy, who’s wearing

  a chef’s hat, opens his cookbook

  and reads the recipe for apple

  turnovers. Everyone’s mouth is

  watering. It’s close to lunchtime.

  40

  Then Randy comes out. He’s

  wearing a magician’s hat. He

  tells the audience that he’s going

  to pull a human head out of it.

  There’s a slow drumroll. And he

  pulls the hat off his head, bows,

  and walks quickly off the stage.

  Everyone is mystified!

  41

  Now Derek comes out. He’s

  wearing a hula hoop. He spins

  it once and it spirals down to his

  feet. Everyone boos. He lifts up

  the hula hoop and tries again. It

  drops straight to the floor. But

  Derek doesn’t give up. He keeps

  trying for an hour. Finally, Mrs.

  Green comes out and pulls him

  off the stage with the hoop.

  42

  43

  Penny walks onstage. Her lips

  are out of the cast. Soon, the

  CD is playing, and we have to

  wait four movements until peo-

  ple start singing. But when

  they finally do, the CD starts

  skipping. Penny starts to cry and

  skips offstage. I hope there’s not

  a talent scout in the audience.

  44

  The lights on the stage turn blue,

  and Doris comes out covered in

  feathers. She spins around, but

  her feathers begin to fly off and

  float over the audience.

  Dying Swan is right. When she’s

  done, she’s ready for the oven.

  45

  Then it’s my turn. Mr. Smudge,

  the school janitor, rolls out a

  concert grand piano. I come out

  and bow politely. I sit down at

  the keyboard and lift my hands.

  My two fingers are poised in the

  air. Suddenly, everyone begins

  sniffing and holding their noses.

  The entire auditorium is filled

  with the scent of lilacs—shades

  of Mrs. Fumble.

  46

  Soon, everyone runs outside to

  get a breath of fresh air. I’m

  sitting at the piano alone—all

  that practicing for nothing.

  47

  Suddenly, I wake up. It’s time

  for bed. I can’t believe the talent

  show’s tomorrow.

  48

  Chapter 9

  it’s curtains

  That night, I have a dream. Well,

  more like a nightmare.

  49

  There’s a bright stage and

  millions of people are sitting out

  in the audience. I’m standing

  in the middle of the stage. I

  can hear them all breathing. I’m

  wearing a purple tuxedo with a

  silver bow tie.

  I take off my pink top hat. I

  announce that I will pull a live

  rabbit out of my top hat. There’s

  a slow drumroll as I reach into

  the hat and pull out a mouse.

  Everyone shouts, “That’s not a

  rabbit!”

  51

  I reach back in the hat and pull

  out a cat. The audience yells,

  “That’s not a rabbit, either!”

  52

  I keep on trying the trick until

  the stage looks like Noah’s

  Ark. Everything from aardvarks

  to zebras—but not one rabbit.

  Everyone boos and then throws

  carrots at me. And finally, the

  curtain comes down.

  53

  Chapter 10

  A Star is born

  Well, it’s ten A.M. Showtime!

  54

  Everyone in school fills the


  auditorium. Little kids, big

  kids, teachers, and relatives—

  all expecting to be entertained.

  We huddle together backstage.

  Doris is in her feathers. Freddy

  is in his chef’s hat. Penny is

  wearing lipstick. Randy is in

  his magician’s hat. And Eric is

  wearing a red ball on his nose.

  That’s funny stuff!

  55

  The lights slowly dim, the

  curtain rises, and we point to

  Eric. He’s first. He steps out

  on the stage. All eyes are on

  him. He taps the microphone.

  It sounds like elephants on a

  giant trampoline.

  He clears his throat and tells his

  first joke. Everyone laughs.

  56

  They applaud when Freddy

  reads his recipe. And they gasp

  when Randy takes off his hat

  and pulls out Waldo, our class

  hamster.

  Derek has tied his hoop to his

  belt. And he spins around!

  Penny lip-syncs “Girls Just Wanna

  Have Fun.” And everyone in the

  audience wants to have fun, too!

  59

  60

  Doris gets through her dance,

  only losing three feathers. That’s

  certainly a feather in her cap.

  Mr. Smudge slowly rolls out the

  piano. I come out and sit down.

  Then I take off my shoes and my

  socks.